Training swims are all about testing the waters, so to speak. On every training swim, I constantly work on my feedings, equipment, crew…but on this swim I wanted to focus on learning how to not be sea sick. We boarded the boat in Sausalito at 3 am on Sunday morning. I quickly claimed the spot on the boat that is exactly in the middle and had a place to lay down. My plan was to put on my ipod, curl up on the couch and hopefully drift off for a few hours while we motored out to the start. I was surprised that I decided to listen to The Wood Brothers on my ipod.  I usually choose songs that have faster beats per minute prior to a swim. I should have known at this point that my energy level was not up to par.

After a few hours had passed, Lisa poked her head in the cabin and said “we are here and it is amazing out”.  I sat up and discovered that I had successfully made it without being sea sick. I climbed onto the deck and was surprised at how dark it was out. I could see the sea buoy gently swaying back and forth making an eerie creak. Dewey told me that there was one lone sea lion lounging on the buoy and if we were close enough we could smell him. I asked Bobby how long until they wanted me to jump and he told me I had about 20 minutes.

I started to prepare myself. I took off my sweats and wanted to start cooling my skin. If I enter the water right after being bundled up, the water feels too cold for me. So, I find that if I allow myself to become chilled prior to entering the water, it is an easier transition. I decided to wear my neoprene cap for this swim. I won’t be wearing one for the Farallones but I don’t mind using it for comfort on a training swim. The water temperature at the buoy was 52.8 F. Then I became nervous.  I surfaced on the deck and threw up over the side of the boat. Was I sea sick? Was it nerves? I wasn’t sure at this point.

Once fully prepared, I emerged on deck and was greeted by my crew all looking excited. I gave Bobby the traditional kiss and stood on the side of the boat with my toes curled over the edge.  I looked all around me at total darkness and listened to the sound of the buoy. I could see the light on the back of Bryce’s kayak awaiting to guide me through the dark. I think I said “give me a second here” and I couldn’t get my toes to release and allow me to jump in. My mind was ready to go but my body was hanging on by my toes. How do you prepare yourself to jump into the middle of the Pacific Ocean in the dark of night?

On the back of my head, attached to the strap of my goggles was a blinking red light.  I also had a glowstick that was tied to the strap of my swimsuit with a hair tie, that only minutes before was holding my hair in pigtails. It took me a few strokes to feel comfortable in the dark water. I realized that the glowstick illuminated the water all around me. So, with every stroke the bubbles from my hands engulfed me in a sea of silver. I imagined that I was swimming through the silver sea instead of the feeling that I had of being alone in the middle of the dark ocean. Just as I settled into a rhythm I felt something swimming towards me. I could feel the increase in the movement of the water.  I was waiting for something to touch me or worse bite me and then I felt the head of a sea lion ram me in the thigh. I could feel his whiskers or something pointy. It hit me so hard that it gave me a charlie horse. He circled around and I could feel him coming from behind. He hit me straight on the back of my feet. I was sure at this point I had sat up and screamed but my crew said I didn’t. I know I was screaming inside! He circled around and hit me one more time in the thigh and swam off.  What a crazy way to start off the swim. Honestly, do you blame him?  Here he is, 12 miles out from all of his family and friends taking a nice quiet slumber on the way, way, way too far out buoy. We arrive, wake him, flash a few photos, light the water with a glowstick and disturb him from his pinniped dream world. I would be a little irritated too.

People often ask me what I think about when I am out on these long swims. It always varies.  I have written many times about associating and disassociating while swimming. This time I didn’t associate at all after my encounter with the sea lion.  I did a lot of disassociating and never really checked in with my body to make sure everything was working correctly. Which it wasn’t because after an hour I started to throw up again and I couldn’t stop. My mind instantly went to disassociating maybe because I knew that if I thought about my stomach too much I wouldn’t want to keep going.  I drifted off into a time from my childhood that seemed so real that I began to feel and smell the dream. I kept looking at the light on the back of the kayak and had the phrase “guiding light” stuck in my head.  This instantly took me to a place I hadn’t thought about in many many years. It was my Grandma Dell’s living room and I felt very small, sitting cross legged on her floor, watching the soap opera The Guiding Light with her as I had done so many times during my childhood. It was so comforting and familiar. The sight of her and the smell of her house eased my mind and my stomach. I knew that no matter how bad I felt she was going to make it okay…and she did, for a while.

By two hours into my swim I could no longer keep any of my nutrition down. After every feeding I would start to throw up. Surprisingly, I learned that I am able to swim and throw up at the same time. What talent! I did think that it probably wasn’t the best place for me to be chumming the water but I didn’t have much choice. Then the anger set in…NO not today..not here…why was this happening!?!  I had premeditated this swim much differently. The fuel of anger is a hot and quick burning fuel. I became mad…it made me start to pick up the pace…I would increase my stroke count..and then I petered out.  That would make me more angry and it would start all over again.  I have never swum angry. I am a happy swimmer. The one with the biggest smile on her face.  Happiness is a warm calm fuel that is much easier to control.  I felt like I had lost control. I knew that it was only going to be a short time before they pulled me.  I am proud to say that I lasted another 1.5 hours.

All and all it was undoubtedly one of the most spectacular swims I have ever been on.  It had everything a good liquid adventure should have and then some.  Unfortunately I continued to throw up through out the evening.  Confirming that I had a stomach bug not sea sickness or nerves.  Timing is everything in life and this time it didn’t work in my favor. On my drive back up the mountain the next day I reflected on the experience of the swim. I realized that to truly appreciate the joy and accomplishment of a great training swim one must have  the opposite experience sometimes. It is the universes way of keeping me humble and balanced.

Most importantly thank you to my crew. Together we are pushing the envelope and experiencing new swims. I am happy to say that I feel so at home and comfortable on the boat “Changes in Attitude” captained by Dewey Chambers. Dewey you are my hero! Once again whipping up a wonderful breakfast of Swedish pancakes for the crew, Mark, you are the best. Bryce, your guiding light was exactly what I needed. I am so happy to have you on the team. Lisa, your addition to the team is invaluable now. Thanks for tucking me in at the exact right moment while I was shivering. Bobby, how do I love thee…let me count the ways. There is no way I would have made it for 3.5 hour without El Sharko. Your soothing voice and careful eye on me helped me through moments of doubt. THANKS!

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